The Made-up Model Divergence

Sometime in 2001:

I stare into the freedom park thinking why the hell everyone I knew who could help me is nowhere to be found. I literally have zero, not even a peso or two to make a payphone call to my mother's office phone in our province, which I'm not doing anyway. How am I supposed to explain how a 7-day allowance goes kaput in less than two days? Yup, strr-raight into the mIRC sinkhole of addiction.

To my relief, Jen, my roommate, arrives from her P.E. class. I make a lame sales pitch (I've never been good with that), intending to segue into borrowing some money so I could at least make it through until my mother gives me my allowance in a few days. 

Jen, the egghead, then comes up with this obvious solution of letting me use her cellphone, a Nokia 3210, to contact my mother. Great! Suddenly, contacting my mother becomes the least of my problem.

Why?

Because I don't know how to use a freaking cellphone!

I mean, the only cellphone I was able to use was that big ass monochrome Nokia phone back in the late 90s. Everything else after that is nothing but a dream to me.

I panic, bombarding my head to bleed some bright and plausible excuse to cover my unacceptable ignorance. I have got to pretend I'm up-to-date.

I think of it now and I could have said, "Oh, I lost my mother's number" or "There's a blackout situation in my poor hometown and power won't be up 'til Monday (which is when my mother will send my allowance)" or "Aargh! Great timing! I think I have to take a dump."

But no. Instead, some half-baked brain cell escapes from the prison of these-are-dumb-ideas and decides to betray me by feeding me with a lethal alibi.

But it was too late to refuse. I find myself declaring what was probably going to be the most epic excuse I have ever made.

"Ay Jen, sorry ha. Hindi kasi ako marunong gumamit ng 3210...

...3310 kasi ung cellphone namin." ("Oh sorry, I don't know how to use a 3210 'coz our phone's a 3310.")

Thank God she believed me.

Or so I thought.